All for You
by Bemused Writer
Summary: The Silent Room is a place of reflection and of quiet truths. In this instance it serves as a confessional. There is still more to what Lan Wangji did for Wei Wuxian than was spoken and it's time to discuss the past, no matter how difficult. Takes place directly after their silent communication in episode 43. [LWJ/WWX CQL Universe of MDZS.]


Like my previous story, I'm having WWX referred to as "Wei Ying" because this is from LWJ's perspective.

Also, I've offered up an alternative take on LWJ's brand from the book canon. The live action never really delved into it, so I figured why not explore some possibilities?

* * *

Wei Ying stood just within the doorframe of The Silent Room where he stared out into the wintry haze that had engulfed them. Lan Wangji carefully plucked at the zither, creating a beautiful medley of music as they shared a contemplative silence. While Lan Wangji played he glanced up to study his profile, outlined by thick flakes of snow falling outside. A few were still trapped in his hair from when he'd basked beneath the downpour and were just beginning to melt.

He had just thanked him, apologized to him, and it was a moment of perfect clarity, the like Lan Wangji had never experienced with another person. He was unashamed to admit that communicating with others wasn't his forte. He took care with his word choice—his brother said he spoke regally—but as far as truly expressing himself and making himself understood to another, he had always been lacking.

But in that moment, it was as though they had connected their minds once again, just as they had in Xuanwu Cave. It had been one of the most genuinely moving experiences of his life and yet…

He refocused on his music. The moment has passed but the tenderness of it had not.

Wei Ying turned towards him, looking at him as if he were something truly precious. He desperately wanted him to look at him like that every day for the rest of their lives.

And yet. In order for them to have had this perfect moment, Wei Ying must have reached some conclusions of his own and he no doubt would need information for something like that.

Naturally, he had his suspicions on what that information may have been as well as the source of it.

Eventually, Wei Ying stepped back into the house properly and took a seat before him after placing his jug of wine on the table. Lan Wangji glanced at it briefly before pausing in his playing to set his full attention on the man who was now analyzing his face with utter care. Lan Wangji recognized that look; he wanted to say something but had yet to determine the right way of saying it. It must be important then; Wei Ying was generally quite fluid with his words.

He gave Lan Wangji a wry grin before he reached out and trailed a hand against his sleeve from shoulder to elbow. Lan Wangji followed the motion consideringly.

"May I?" he said with a quirk of his brow.

He followed the hand, still lingering about his elbow, to the face of the one it belonged to. Wei Ying offered him a wide grin but he could see the strain behind it.

He knew what Wei Ying wanted and no amount of flirtatious smiling could hide the fact. It was the same matter he had refused to discuss before, but now…

He gave a stiff nod of assent and Wei Ying maneuvered himself behind him. Lan Wangji turned his head slightly to follow the movement. He stayed still as Wei Ying hesitantly rested his hands on his shoulders. He carefully moved Lan Wangji's hair so it hung over one shoulder, his touch like a caress.

He remained in that position for a fleeting moment before saying, with a touch of nervousness, "You're sure?"

"You may see them," Lan Wangji confirmed. He didn't bother adding it was because it was him and even then only because he'd accidentally seen the scars before. His suspicions were swiftly being realized.

With the utmost care, Wei Ying slid first Lan Wangji's top robe off—though only to his waist—followed by the inner robe until his back was bare. The chill of the night's wintry air struck him immediately—Wei Ying had never bothered to close the screen doors-but he refrained from shivering. He knew this was an important moment for them both; he could withstand a bit of cold.

He could feel Wei Ying's eyes trailing over the damage, could hear the sharp intake of breath as he took the damage in. Lan Wangji bore the examination silently, wishing he could assure him it was in the past. He had no regrets. But in this regard, he was exactly like Wei Ying. He knew if Wei Ying had done something like this for his own defense he would never forgive himself. It was why he had never intended for Wei Ying to see these scars or why he bore them. He hadn't wanted him to know the full extent of his own private rebellion.

"Did Brother tell you?" he finally asked when he felt Wei Ying's touch hovering over the scars, skimming over them as if they might reopen at the slightest agitation.

There was a long silence, an unusual phenomenon with Wei Ying, before he nodded slightly. Lan Wangji could feel the air shift as he did so as well as the barest tickle of his bangs against his neck. He must be hunched over him more than he'd realized.

"It wasn't his place." He said it mildly but the thought of someone, even his brother, revealing those fragile parts of his nature he tried to hide left him feeling exposed. More exposed than Wei Ying's current exploration of his unclothed back did.

"I was worried about you," he finally said. "You'd suffered some criminal act against you and you wouldn't speak of it at all." Wei Ying gripped his arms gently and pressed his forehead to the expanse of his back. Lan Wangji stilled even further if it were possible.

"You have suffered as well," he finally said. Wei Ying's suffering had always been at the forefront of his mind.

"Dying isn't much of a hardship, Lan Zhan," he said wryly, turning his head so he rested on his cheek. "For me it was just … quiet. It's everyone else that suffered for it. But no, even that isn't true," he murmured to himself. "It was just you. Everyone else… I think it was probably a relief."

At that he turned and glared at him, breaking their loose embrace. "Not just that. They broke you. They took you away." From me, he added silently. "They forced you off that—" He stopped himself and looked down feeling a potent mix of shame, embarrassment, and consternation. He hadn't meant to dredge up the entirety of his anger at the situation back then.

"I'm sorry," Wei Ying said quietly. "But you know that ultimately it was my choice, don't you? Cultivating my crafty path, turning to demonic cultivation, even my dying, it's not your fault. It isn't your burden to bear. Lan Zhan, you've done enough."

"Never enough," he said quietly. Something about Wei Ying's words were familiar. They echoed something he thought he'd heard in a dream or possibly in that bizarre middle stage of waking and sleep. He took a deep breath and tried to focus on the cold air instead of his own meandering thoughts, his own anger at the past, his own rage that even now someone was trying to frame Wei Ying and take him away from him again.

"Your brother said you were stubborn," Wei Ying murmured, his voice fond. "He's not wrong, you know."

Lan Wangji looked away petulantly. He was not stubborn, he had conviction.

"But I'm still worried for you."

"And I am worried for you," Lan Wangji replied.

Wei Ying let out a quiet "aiya" before resting his hands on his back more fully, their presence a welcome warmth that eased some of the constant aches he was plagued by.

As if sensing his thoughts Wei Ying asked, "Does it hurt? Your injuries, I mean." He altered his searching touch into something more like a massage and Lan Wangji leaned in ever so slightly to accommodate him.

He pursed his lips as he inwardly debated whether he should tell the truth. But this was Wei Ying and his secret was already out. He may as well know this, too.

Reluctantly, he nodded his head once.

Wei Ying's hands went taut for a moment before resuming his ministrations. "Is this helping? Or making it worse?"

"Helping."

"The fact that they did this to you, that you're suffering for it even now—"

"It is bearable," Lan Wangji interjected. Wei Ying wasn't channeling his resentment, but he'd rather not upset him any further.

"The point isn't whether it's bearable or not," Wei Ying said with an angry tsk. "The point is it shouldn't have happened at all. You're a pillar of everything a cultivator should be. The fact you were blamed for my own actions is just…"

"Not for your actions," Lan Wangji said uneasily. "My own."

"You could have been crippled!" Wei Ying exclaimed angrily. Even so, his touch remained gentle as he kneaded his shoulders.

"It was my choice. Believing in you, accepting punishment, even waiting, it's not your fault. Not your burden to bear." He turned to meet his eyes and gave him a pointed look. Wei Ying gaped at him before letting out a surprised laugh.

"Turning my own words against me? You're rather crafty yourself."

Lan Wangji allowed a ghost of a smile to grace his lips before turning back.

"You know," Wei Ying said after a peaceable silence had filled the room, "it's just now occurred to me you're probably freezing. Your skin is like ice."

"Mm," he agreed.

"Always suffering in silence," he grumbled. "Well, allow me to fix it for you."

Lan Wangji expected him to get up and simply close the door but Wei Ying, ever the showoff, traced a talisman in the air that burned a bright yellow, and shot it forward. Lan Wangji blinked in surprise as a solid barrier covered the entryway. It emanated a subtle heat and he immediately felt better.

"Ha! It worked after all," he said, pleased.

"Another new talisman?"

"Of course! Experimenting with these is some of the most fun you can have, you know. Truly, my crafty method will be passed down through the ages. So, what do you think?"

"Effective," he offered.

"Just so," he said with a chuckle. "I think it will prove most useful while traveling at night. You can form a bubble of warmth."

"Quite ingenious." Lan Wangji gazed at the ward fondly and with a touch of pride.

"Oh, you're going to make my head get big," Wei Ying said, suddenly bashful. Lan Wangji didn't mean it as a mere compliment. Wei Ying really was a genius. He didn't bother point that out; he already understood.

"Regardless," Wei Ying continued, "while I know how you got these I still don't know how you got this." He rested his hand atop his heart, right over the brand. Lan Wangji looked down at it uncomfortably.

"Brother did not explain?" Lan Wangji said in surprise. He'd thought surely he would give the whole story if he was going to tell it at all.

"He told me many things but he didn't tell me about this." Wei Ying pressed his palm against his chest a little more firmly, his face studious as he felt Lan Wangji's heart beat steadily against his palm.

"This…" How to explain? It was the source of his greatest shame, the one thing he could admit he'd done wrong even if it had been for the right reasons.

He raised a hand to trace the outline consideringly. It was a hideous mark, a mark of possession that would never go away.

As he'd told Wei Ying all those years ago, it would remain for life.

Lan Zhan," he said in a broken whisper when the silence stretched on into the night without any indication of an end. "Did you…?"

"…No," he finally said. He would have though, after he'd returned to Nightless City and found nothing but dust and smoldering rock and streams of molten lava with Wei Ying nowhere to be found. He had fallen to a new level of anguish that day as he sank to his knees, a silent cry begging to tear itself from his throat, his face drenched in tears that quickly evaporated. He hadn't realized it was possible to be any more miserable than he'd already been during his three years of confinement. He'd only gotten through those three years by thinking Wei Ying might still be alive. Even now he could remember the heat of that day, the touch of ash against his cheek as he prostrated himself on the ground, silently begging for the evidence to somehow be wrong.

Wei Ying gripped him tightly and moved to his side breaking his reverie. He glanced up at him and was met with overt concern. Wei Ying had clasped his hand in both of his own and had apparently slipped his robe back over his shoulders as well. Lan Wangji studied their clasped palms, unsure of what else he should say but enjoying the way Wei Ying's warmth seeped into him.

"Lan Zhan, if it's too much…"

"The branding," Lan Wangji began, never glancing away from their hands, "was because of Nightless City."

"I thought that's what the lashes were for?" Wei Ying said hesitantly, carefully, as if Lan Wangji might break at any moment.

"Those were for following evil." Lan Wangji frowned as he said it. Uncle was wrong in whom he deemed evil. Furthermore, he had never given a satisfactory answer on what was righteous and what was evil, what was black and what was white.

"Then the brand was for what?"

He refocused once more; there was no point in dwelling over that old argument. He would never win anyway; his uncle was set in his ways and Lan Wangji … would obey. Within reason.

He let out a soft exhale before he turned to Wei Ying and said, "For killing."

"Killing?" Wei Ying was looking at him with genuine alarm now. "Who did you kill?"

"Allies. At Nightless City." At Wei Ying's shocked expression he inwardly quaked. He knew he had committed a crime, but for Wei Ying to know that, for him to have to rethink how he saw him… "You wished to find your Senior Sister," he elaborated. "You needed protection. I did as such."

"You killed members of your own clan? For me?" His eyes were red with unshed tears. He looked away, clearly overwhelmed by what he had learned. Perhaps this was why his brother had not told him. It was treason, without a doubt. By all accounts, his uncle should not have allowed him to live.

"Many were possessed. Many were not."

"How is it that no one speaks of this?" Wei Ying muttered in a disbelieving tone. "Surely…"

"I confessed to Uncle that I did not know the difference when I killed them. He never spoke of it to anyone else save for Brother."

"Then the branding…"

"To remind me of whom I belong to." He was supposed to belong, heart and soul, to the Lan clan. Certainly not to the evil Yiling Patriarch.

"You said you had your regret," Wei Ying whispered, wiping at his eyes. "You never said…"

"I said?" He had never spoken of this before, not that he could recollect-

It has nothing to do with you. I defected. I practiced crafty sorcery. All were my own choices. Do you understand?

He glared at him. "I did say something that night."

Wei Ying let out a guilty chuckle, looking anything but amused. "Oh, you're remembering that, are you?"

"What else?" he demanded.

Wei Ying face pulled in a grimace as if he'd just eaten a lemon. Lan Wangji's glare grew more intense.

"Okay, fine," he relented in the tone of voice one might use to say "it's your funeral." "We may have also er, traveled a little. You wanted to look around!" he said in protest at Lan Wangji's alarmed expression. "It was all harmless stuff. You gave me two chickens and we wrote a bit of graffiti on someone's doorpost. It's fine."

"I gave you … chickens?"

"Two of them," Wei Ying said proudly. "I put them back, of course. What was I supposed to do with two chickens?"

Lan Wangji looked away in abject horror. He couldn't decide if he was glad Wei Ying hadn't realized what his drunken mind had surely been trying to get at with the chickens or frustrated instead.

"Um, it really isn't that bad Lan Zhan," he patted his shoulder consolingly. "It was all in good fun. I probably shouldn't have questioned you while you were drunk, though…"

"It's fine," he said faintly. "Shouldn't drink."

"No, you really shouldn't," Wei Ying laughed.

They fell into an awkward silence. No amount of distraction could make either of them forget what Lan Wangji had just confessed.

"But you're wrong then," Wei Ying said suddenly, "about your regret. You were by my side at Nightless City."

"Not for all of it. Not even before it," he admitted. He'd known Wei Ying was right about the remnants of the Wen clan, had admired how he'd done so much for them, but more than anything else he'd just wanted Wei Ying safe. It was the height of selfishness and because of that he'd never truly stood at his side until now. Back then he had hoped he could simply hide him away here, in Cloud Recesses, until everyone forgot how he'd insulted them by pointing out their crimes so openly.

Now he understood that Wei Ying could never be trapped in one place. The Silent Room was a good resting spot for him, but Lan Wangji could never subject him to forced captivity, not like his father did to his mother.

It hurt, but he had found himself wondering recently if what his parents had had could even be described as love. It certainly didn't match up with the give-and-take he had with Wei Ying.

"I could have gone with you at Qiongqi or even in Yiling," he continued. "I could have done more."

Wei Ying raised a hand to his chin and tilted it up slightly. The tears that had been threatening to fall earlier were now flowing freely.

"No one, save possibly Wen Qing and Wen Ning, has done more for me than you," he whispered fiercely. "Never doubt that. Everything you've done for me… I have no hope of ever repaying it. But know that I am thankful, truly, and that I would never wish for you to lose your ties to your family because of me. Lan Zhan, you really have done enough."

"I will remain at your side," he said quietly. "I will see this through."

"I know," Wei Ying gave a tearful laugh. "I know you will. That's the craziest thing about all of this."

Lan Wangji gracefully rose to his knees, cupped his face in one hand, and dabbed his tears away with the other with a handkerchief he kept on his person. He'd rarely needed it, but he was glad for it now.

"It's all right," he murmured. He wasn't good with words, but hopefully he understood the sentiment: he had no regrets. He wanted to be here.

"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan," he shook his head. "There's nothing all right about what's happened to us. Even so, for you to still be here… I must have done something right at some point in my past life. I feel a little better thinking of it that way."

"Mm." He smiled softly as he wiped his face clean, taking care to do so gently and not leave any red on his face. Wei Ying took in a deep breath before smiling once more.

"It's nearly your bedtime."

"Yes," he replied, tucking the handkerchief away.

Wei Ying glanced over at the room with a contemplative glint to his still-red eyes.

"Maybe I could sleep next to you this time?" he said cautiously. "Not as … not like that but, you know…"

"Yes," he said again with a small bow of his head.

"Oh, good."

They both shuffled about somewhat awkwardly. In truth, Lan Wangji hadn't expected the request and judging by the look on Wei Ying's face he either hadn't expected to say it himself or he'd expected refusal on Lan Wangji's part. How he still thought he was capable of refusing him anything at this point was beyond him.

The bed was just large enough to fit two people although it was a tight fit. Lan Wangji supposed this was further evidence his mother had lived here alone and immediately felt dejected. He'd loved her so much but her life had been one of tragedy and loss. He wished he could ask his uncle about their relationship, but he had already said all he would on the matter. His brother knew about as much as he did and as such was not a good source of information.

Wei Ying was angled towards him, a small smile playing on his face that faded as he took in Lan Wangji's mien.

"What is it?" he said, propping himself up on an elbow.

"Thinking of the past," he responded softly. It was hard not to in this place where he'd spent some of his childhood, where he'd first learned what loss was.

Wei Ying nodded as he looked about at the rich, yet minimal, surroundings. "Ghosts don't have to be physically present to leave a mark," he said musingly. "That's the strange thing about them."

"Can you sense her?"

"Not as a literal ghost," Wei Ying reassured, "but I get a sense of her from her belongings. She was an intelligent and free-thinking woman."

"Yes," Lan Wangji said with a smile. "I think so, too."

In a truly unexpected gesture, Wei Ying wrapped an arm about his waist and rested his forehead against his own. He didn't say anything, he just held him—a welcome gesture. Words so often got in the way and they'd already spoken a great deal this night. He didn't want to dwell on his past any longer whether it was his mother or his branding.

Wei Ying was a steady presence against him and he soon felt himself beginning to drift off. He kept his gaze locked on his eyes as he did so, which wasn't difficult given their proximity. It was an excellent distraction from his current surroundings and previous thoughts and he wasn't sure Wei Ying had ever treated him more tenderly.

Lan Wangji allowed his eyes to close once he felt he'd etched the scene in his mind, never to be forgotten, and breathed in. The tension finally bled out of him and as he slipped into unconsciousness he could have sworn he felt the ghost of lips against his brow.

_Good night, Lan Zhan._

* * *

**Notes:** During the battle at Nightless City we see LWJ fight several of the Lan clan and other allies in an effort to protect WWX. I thought it was odd that was never brought back up. Perhaps we were supposed to assume they were all possessed, but what if they weren't? Hence, this story. :D

Also, while the brand definitely looked like the Wen brand, it's never outright said in the live action, so when I first watched I assumed it was done by the Lan clan and was in fact a Lan brand given as a final warning. I suspect that isn't the case now, even in the show, but it's a thought and I wanted to try something different from what the book already gave us.

Originally posted on AO3.


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